Vicarious Rocky

There has been a fair amount of talk in our house about how I am adjusting to school. As it turns out, my adjustments are less about Indy’s absence – although I did struggle with that the first 2 weeks. The real adjustment has been accepting the people of Old Trail School and my place within that community. It’s got its own brand of diversity. Like the diversity one might see in a Benetton ad. Now, see, I’m being too harsh. OK, let me break it into a marketing list by parent income, because that’s how I think about it, thanks to my job.

Old Trail Parent Demographics:

Old Money

These are what I would call legacy private school people. They went to private schools and boarding schools followed by Ivy League or top schools for undergrad and at least have a Masters/MBA. They spent their 20s in high powered jobs on the coasts and returned to Ohio to have children. The Mothers in this group usually don’t work. Jobs they have now include C-Level Executive types in big companies, or Lawyers and Doctors. These parents seem to send kids here because this is simply “where you send them” in Akron. Otherwise you drive them up to private schools in Cleveland.

New Money Folks

These parents went to public or catholic school and come from slightly more humble beginnings. Lawyers and Doctors can fall into this category, but usually don’t. Mostly, this is the business owner/ entrepreneur crowd. These people went to decent colleges but seemed to come back to Ohio more quickly and settled down. These parents seem to send kids here to give them the best because they remember public school and want to try something different and maybe better. Everyone in this category I talk too seems to think, “Why not? Let’s see where this goes.”

Less Money Folks

These parents flat out value education. They work at the school, have University jobs, or both parents work at “good” jobs and this tuition is a sacrifice. But they make it because they did crazy amounts of research and want to give their kids “the best,” especially in regards to academics. I think most of the scholarships go to employees of the school or people in this group, especially if they’re not white. So, you would think most of the schools diversity would come from this group, but I have noticed more ethnic variation in the “New Money” group.

Back to My Discomfort:

OK, so my discomfort is stemming from my role as a “Room Mom.” One I actually didn’t volunteer for willingly at first but was personally asked to do for some reason (I think I turned out to too many general information meetings for volunteers). Turns out the Mothers in these volunteer roles, at least in the young grades, are all old money legacy people. Makes sense. They are comfortable volunteering because they have time, they are highly competent and smart but not working, and they know what to expect having been involved in private school all their lives.

I would be thrown in the New Money group, technically, but I live as though I was in category 3, because I am not comfortable with my cash, am fearful it is temporary (I am in an internet business [remember how that worked out for people in the late 90s?]). Plus I really do prefer practical, non fancy things.

So, as a Room Mom, I am interacting with people I respect but in no way relate too. We don’t share values, but that’s not to say I am critical of their values necessarily. After all, they are the “Joneses,” of my world, so I “get” the draw and am influenced by them even though I try and resist.

Their material goods are especially intimidating. I could spend time describing their houses (of which I have been invited to 3), or you could just go get a magazine about how to restore and decorate a 3000 sq ft. century home. The cars are as expected and those don’t really wow me, but I do get the twinge of self consciousness, especially when I pull up to those houses in the 10-yr-old Bonneville w/ the Barak Obama sticker. And, Yes, I have on two occasions avoided driving it for this reason.

And finally, their children are smart. They are not are the planet, the children, to have a good time and experience crazy shit, as it seems is the default purpose I have given my son. They are here to be smart and lead and carry on in their parent’s tradition of success and leadership.

So, am I influenced to the point of not being proud of who I am or my family? Of course not. But I am having some Jr. High moments of insecurity about raising Indy properly to fit in with peers at this school or having play dates for Indy at my home. I also occasionally doubt my school choice as I begin to see why the teachers expect so much of my three year old.

Sage assures me, and I agree that growth often involves discomfort. And I am not Indiana, who is in no way uncomfortable and probably will not be until he becomes conscious of society (probably about the time of graduation from this school). Holly tells me that I feel insecure because these people are my equals, and I want them to like me. Other friends assure me that there are people at the school like me and I will find them, perhaps outside of this room mom clan.

There you have it - a long winded “breakdown” of the dynamics taking me out of my comfort zone at Old Trail. I’m sticking with it though and keeping my values, regardless of what the "popular kids” think of me.