Vicarious Rocky

Voted Early Today - I'll be out of town on the 4th. What a crazy experience that was. Kind of BMVish. Place was very busy considering it was Tuesday at 3:45. I'd say 50 people were waiting to vote. I'd say 10 of them were white. I got a feeling that this election is going to be historic in voter turn out and results. And I'm not much of an optimist.

Got Indy's Language Test Results - As I suspected after research (thank you internet), he has Expressive Language Delay. The therapist said it was mild and he was only concerned that Indy would become frustrated, not that it would greatly inhibit his ability to learn or to relate to peers or anything. He labeled him a visual learner and said he doesn't need any one-on-one therapy at this time. The Language guy is just going to help the teachers work with him and some other kids in the class that are in a similar boat. I guess there are several kids in his class with this visual and not auditory learning issue. And the therapist implied that the classroom was awesome, but maybe a little too awesome for some kids. Highly stimulating and overwhelming. So, I'm glad Indy has another full year to get comfy there.

Work is a Work in Progress - After hives and a recent Lupus attack that got me down on Saturday, I've decided to start taking better care of myself, which includes working at home in the mornings, working out at lunch, and then going into the office. For some reason, I am optimistic that this will allow me to get more done with less stress. We shall see.


Excited about Seeing Holly - In an amazing turn of events, Holly and I are crossing paths in Chicago next week. So to spend time with her, I am leaving 2 days earlier than I need too, crashing her hotel room for cheap city weekending, and then going to some meetings on Tuesday.



Crazy Days Ahead - After Networking tomorrow night, Sage and I volunteer at Indy's class Thurs. morning, followed by me taking Indy to a play date in Hudson with his new best school bud. Thursday night is dinner at Clayde's. Friday is more classroom volunteering and Barb is coming over to help me reorganize. Then Sage and I have a date Friday night. Saturday the gutter guy comes and I go to the airport. I get back Wednesday afternoon and have to bake vegan oatmeal cookies that night. Thursday is Indy's party celebration at school. Friday Indy has a day off, so I'm hoping I don't have any work to do. Saturday is Indy's birthday party. Sunday? Collapse.

Lots of good food was eaten and lots of good shopping was done. I didn't get through all my trashy magazines, but that's OK. I got to hang out with Deb, Mike, and Riley on Friday. I got to veg out with Indy all day Saturday. Had a great time with family this week.

It should be a good year.

Holly sends me Lovely emails -- practically one email each day! And this one is about my Birthday and I wanted to share it because it contains some fun facts and lots of nice love.

______________

Welcome to 35!!

I'm so glad you could finally join Sage and I on the brighter side of 35! :-)

You are awesome and I'm so happy that you have the day off and get to play a bit!

In the world of anniversaries, here are a couple of others to consider: We met the third week of September, 1991. That was 17 years ago, and now more than half your life... I know you are anxious about getting older but I'm thinking that it is all going to be just grand and lovely. Also fun is that I just passed my 10 year anniversary of going to Northern Ireland: I left on October 12. So, life keeps moving and changing.

And you are now in your eighth year of Sagerock, your son soon turns 4...But let us also keep some other things in mind.

You still love butter cream frosting and have for most of your life. You like to eat fish--this is a new phase in your life and a testimony to expanding tastes. I figure if we have written even 3 emails a week for the last 12 years, we have exchanged over 3744 emails--and that is a low estimate. :-) See, numbers are and facts are crazy.

ok, that is what I've got at 8 am on your birthday morning.... surely you are getting warm snuggles from your family. And gift cards. I don't have much to send you and give you but my warm presence on the other end of your computer cord day in and day out. I love you, Rocky--my oldest friend. You mean the world to me. Thank you so much for sticking by me for all these many years and I cannot wait for this next one together.

coffee and cinnamon rolls,
Holly

There has been a fair amount of talk in our house about how I am adjusting to school. As it turns out, my adjustments are less about Indy’s absence – although I did struggle with that the first 2 weeks. The real adjustment has been accepting the people of Old Trail School and my place within that community. It’s got its own brand of diversity. Like the diversity one might see in a Benetton ad. Now, see, I’m being too harsh. OK, let me break it into a marketing list by parent income, because that’s how I think about it, thanks to my job.

Old Trail Parent Demographics:

Old Money

These are what I would call legacy private school people. They went to private schools and boarding schools followed by Ivy League or top schools for undergrad and at least have a Masters/MBA. They spent their 20s in high powered jobs on the coasts and returned to Ohio to have children. The Mothers in this group usually don’t work. Jobs they have now include C-Level Executive types in big companies, or Lawyers and Doctors. These parents seem to send kids here because this is simply “where you send them” in Akron. Otherwise you drive them up to private schools in Cleveland.

New Money Folks

These parents went to public or catholic school and come from slightly more humble beginnings. Lawyers and Doctors can fall into this category, but usually don’t. Mostly, this is the business owner/ entrepreneur crowd. These people went to decent colleges but seemed to come back to Ohio more quickly and settled down. These parents seem to send kids here to give them the best because they remember public school and want to try something different and maybe better. Everyone in this category I talk too seems to think, “Why not? Let’s see where this goes.”

Less Money Folks

These parents flat out value education. They work at the school, have University jobs, or both parents work at “good” jobs and this tuition is a sacrifice. But they make it because they did crazy amounts of research and want to give their kids “the best,” especially in regards to academics. I think most of the scholarships go to employees of the school or people in this group, especially if they’re not white. So, you would think most of the schools diversity would come from this group, but I have noticed more ethnic variation in the “New Money” group.

Back to My Discomfort:

OK, so my discomfort is stemming from my role as a “Room Mom.” One I actually didn’t volunteer for willingly at first but was personally asked to do for some reason (I think I turned out to too many general information meetings for volunteers). Turns out the Mothers in these volunteer roles, at least in the young grades, are all old money legacy people. Makes sense. They are comfortable volunteering because they have time, they are highly competent and smart but not working, and they know what to expect having been involved in private school all their lives.

I would be thrown in the New Money group, technically, but I live as though I was in category 3, because I am not comfortable with my cash, am fearful it is temporary (I am in an internet business [remember how that worked out for people in the late 90s?]). Plus I really do prefer practical, non fancy things.

So, as a Room Mom, I am interacting with people I respect but in no way relate too. We don’t share values, but that’s not to say I am critical of their values necessarily. After all, they are the “Joneses,” of my world, so I “get” the draw and am influenced by them even though I try and resist.

Their material goods are especially intimidating. I could spend time describing their houses (of which I have been invited to 3), or you could just go get a magazine about how to restore and decorate a 3000 sq ft. century home. The cars are as expected and those don’t really wow me, but I do get the twinge of self consciousness, especially when I pull up to those houses in the 10-yr-old Bonneville w/ the Barak Obama sticker. And, Yes, I have on two occasions avoided driving it for this reason.

And finally, their children are smart. They are not are the planet, the children, to have a good time and experience crazy shit, as it seems is the default purpose I have given my son. They are here to be smart and lead and carry on in their parent’s tradition of success and leadership.

So, am I influenced to the point of not being proud of who I am or my family? Of course not. But I am having some Jr. High moments of insecurity about raising Indy properly to fit in with peers at this school or having play dates for Indy at my home. I also occasionally doubt my school choice as I begin to see why the teachers expect so much of my three year old.

Sage assures me, and I agree that growth often involves discomfort. And I am not Indiana, who is in no way uncomfortable and probably will not be until he becomes conscious of society (probably about the time of graduation from this school). Holly tells me that I feel insecure because these people are my equals, and I want them to like me. Other friends assure me that there are people at the school like me and I will find them, perhaps outside of this room mom clan.

There you have it - a long winded “breakdown” of the dynamics taking me out of my comfort zone at Old Trail. I’m sticking with it though and keeping my values, regardless of what the "popular kids” think of me.

But who can be geared up about that when they have a sweet kid acting like a goof all day? In the bath tonight, he was singing this song he heard on the Disney channel about some weird girl group called the Cheeta Girls. They have a promo song about how Cheeta girls can do anything. So he's singing about being a Cheeta girl and then his motorcycle is talking and singing to the Little rubber blonde hair doll about how they're cheeta girls, "No, I'm the cheeta girl!" says the doll and then the motorcycle bashes her in the head and she falls into the tub -- ahhhhh!

I love my life.

My son and his little school friend have developed some kind of goofy joke that involves randomly saying, "Flip Flop." I have no idea why this is funny or what it is in relation too if anything. This is how the divide starts - I'm already not understanding what my kid and his friends are talking about.

That's what Sage says this pre-meeting to the November teacher parent meeting was all about this morning. And I hate to admit that my worry was unfounded, but I think he's right. He shared with me his realization that at this price point for a school, teachers are going to find out what it is your kid needs to work on to be an uber-human being and then communicate and team up with you to measure progress and issue reports. He doubted any child got the, "She's doing great! No worries" meeting as that would imply lack of involvement on the teacher's part and a lack of challenge in the classroom.

In my defense, I will say they should not send cryptic emails about spontaneous meetings involving adjustment and development. That is simply not cool.

So Indy is fine. The language thing is still up in the air and he may be tested again today. They do have things they want to work on and things we can work on at home, but it's all stuff that would resolve after two years of preschool (of which he is in week 5, for the record). They acknowledged he was the youngest kid in class. Assured me that they have these pre-meetings with a lot of new parents. Then stroked my ego saying he was a bright and creative little boy that had clearly had lots of interesting life experiences.

Then came the less sugary part where they implied that those experiences did not appear to be particularly structured experiences or experiences with large numbers of children or large amounts of simultaneous stimulation. Right. True.

So this is what we are working on . . . getting Indy to respond immediately to his name when said only verbally. They always have to touch him to get his attention. Speaking of attention, he has very little of it on tasks he doesn't enjoy. Puzzles were specifically mentioned, which I find hilarious because I HATE puzzles. Apple next to tree trunk. Evidently he spends a lot of time wandering between tasks and little friends and not much time staying in one spot as he is told to do. Then there's the question of willfullness -- how much of this is him not "getting" what's expected vs. not wanting to do it? Quite a bit, it would seem, as he suddenly seems to lose auditory processing skills right around clean up time. "I'm sorry what? Did you say something about picking up toys?"

When they said the word, "Attention," I of course had to ask if they were worried about attention deficit and was relieved at their "Hell No!" reaction. Because I've seen him play with army men for a solid 45 minutes. And yes, that's not a puzzle, but I'm glad to see they were not implying any kind of serious diagnosis around puzzle time problems. Jesus Christ! Did I just write "Puzzle Time Problems?" This is god damn absurd.

Me being me, I have a plan all set for home that involves a chart and little accomplish-able, direction-able tasks and games that require attention and follow through. I'll keep you posted.

Normally, tough weeks for me are based on challenges at work. Work is actually going great this week. Nice and productive. Great client interactions. Finances and sales are good.

So, of course, personal shit is bound to fuck all that good mojo up. First off, the Hives. Got them Monday, noticed them yesterday, today they seem comfortable hanging around. I have tons of them. I am told to go see someone if they persist beyond 3 weeks. Because then, perhaps, they will be "chronic" hives. Awesome.

That's really not so bad. I mean, I have Lupus, afterall. I am generally comfortable with chronic mild physical annoyance. But when you add the email I got from Indy's teachers this morning to the mix, we can officially declare it a crap-tastic day.

So, now we have language and adjustment issues. Perhaps this is just one big issue, eh? So Sage and I get to have an early morning meeting with Indy's teachers tomorrow before school. He gets to hang out in the cafeteria in the "before school" care center. I'm sure he'll not adjust well to that either.

I have to say, I'm baffled. Completely taken off guard by all of this. He LOVES school. I leave him there without tears and he runs off to play. Mostly with his new little best friend, Will. I see notes about him talking at circle time. He brings home great pictures, tells me about things he's played with, and seems to follow direction well from teachers when I'm around anyway. And he is the youngest kid in the class.

The language thing confuses me too. He's conversational. Last week, we took him IHop and on the way out he said, "What's this place called? Jump Rope?" Another quote from last week . . . We're talking about how to get to the hotel and he says, "Speaking of the hotel, are we there yet?"

I mean, he's not a dumb kid. I feel like someone is throwing penalty flags all over the field but no one has shown me what exactly is off sides.

Sage and Grammy took Indy to the Indianapolis Speedway in route to St. Louis.

Right now on break in meeting #3.

Buffet breakfast
Bouncy ball time
Magic House for 4 hours
McDonalds Playland
Hotel Pool swim
Pizza and Kid Movie

The kids bring in a wooden board they are to decorate in any way they want. The only stipulation was not to paint the board. So it was a fascinating view into parenting styles to see how 4 yr olds create collages at home.

It shook out as I would have expected. So, there were at least 4 people who did not follow instructions and painted the boards. I'd say 25% of the boards were what I would describe as "elaborate." Such as carefully placed patterned sequence, large wooden frames and add ons, wands, toys, and other things that required hot glue guns or nails.

There were 50% that were a mix of parent and child inspired work. Pictures cutout by parents and glued carefully into themes. That kind of thing. And then there were the other 25% of us that let the kid go crazy and it looked like a bomb of confusion.

The party itself was really great. I got to know lots of interesting parents, and I learned how much my son is buddies with this other kid in his class, Will. They are not the same kid at all. Closer to opposites it seems to me, but they LOVE each other. Indy refers to him as "Silly" and "Crazy." These are obviously respectable characteristics. They spent a lot of time at the party on the floor.

Feeling better about Indy's Language testing after reading up online. The prognosis is good for "Expressive delay" or "Maturation delay," either or both of which seem to me to be his worst case diagnosis. And Sage seems to have had trouble at this age as well and these delays tend to run in families.

I am off now to pack for SEVEN days in St. Louis on business and with the family. I love it when they can come along. Makes St. Louie 95% better.

Talked to Holly this morning and she assures me that, regardless of the future language test results, Indy can still grow up to be part of the Executive Branch.

I hadn't posted about this in a while, but Indy is completely potty trained now and it happened practically overnight. So, that was a lot of spread out, seemingly fruitless efforts for something that flipped on like a switch pretty much right as school started. Yeesh.

He loves school and ran out the door before me this morning to get there. Which is awesome. He's fun and sweet and healthy and now the school tells me he did not pass the language evaluation and is going for more testing.

He had "trouble following directions, answering questions, and explaining thoughts and ideas." Well, (insert sarcasm here) that all sounds minor. I know, it's good to catch it now, he's going to lead a fine life, and they're going to help him. But still. You always want your kid to be "normal" on this sort of stuff. It's one thing if you don't read right away. But not able to understand and express yourself? That's a bit more worrisome to a mother.

But hey! He passed hearing and speech.