Vicarious Rocky

I have just learned that one strange thing about being older is that, when you make a resolution to change the way you plan to think and live, it doesn't just effect you. So, you ideally should have a sense of how to balance the selfishness of what you're doing with the needs of those around you. That's what the first 5 days of living out my resolutions is showing me.

The first resolution to spend more time with my son is going well, because it requires no willpower and is essentially akin to me declaring I plan to eat more candy in 2009. It is not lost on me that it seems pretty counter intuitive to want to spend more time with a kid now that he's in school, but that's what I want to do. Perhaps I am just trying to make up for lost time and opportunities from his younger days when I felt that the business needed me more. But you know, I don't give a shit about the reasoning so much. :)

This week that meant being a swim volunteer (and committing to doing that every week until the year's end) and helping coordinate the Valentine gift day and corresponding party. It meant working in my attic and not at the office, so I can see him after he gets home. There was some Flash Card Work; Some focus on the numbers "14, 15, and 16" which get consistently skipped in the count to 20; and some downright rigorous "get yourself dressed" training.

The health resolution also went well. This was the year I really noticed my aging physically - soft lumpy body, wrinkles, indigestion, a bought with serious hives, and some peaks and valleys with the Lupus. Stress is a huge contributor to all things physically wrong with a person, but Lupus is particularly linked to stress. So this week there was More Gym (4 days thus far); Less Coffee (2 cup max); More Kid; Less Office.

Then there's work generally. It's time for me to start letting go. I have been moving towards moving on for a few years now, but the timing never seemed right. A huge recession doesn't seem like brilliant timing either, but it is lending an interesting opportunity in that I am between project managing clients. Here's the thing though, I always think SageRock "needs" me because I am a control freak with a giant ego. But the client-focus of my work in 2008 didn't exactly yield amazing results - a serious blow to the delusion of my importance. My internal work at the company was more valuable, but still not stuff that cannot be equally handled by others. And so, it's time to chill out a bit and back off. Not directly touching things, asking"How high" to the client jump request, taking over meetings and delegating every five minutes, is already tough for me. But all those activities and the traits they betray are direct contributors to my emotional, lets call them, "issues," so if I really want to change my life I have to change my attitudes about my old and new circumstances.

Change. There you have it. Let's see what next week holds.