Vicarious Rocky

The self loathing is ever present but on the wane. Seems to me that life for so many people right now is about struggle and transition. What's up with that? Is it just a generational thing? As in, I know people approaching 40 and they all seem to have life-shift things going on? Or is it a public mood, a collective, sub-conscious mindset, brought on by what? The economy? The lull of summer? H1N1?

I am probably just projecting my own situation on everyone I know. Because money, summer, and sickness seem to be defining my own life.

Money - This is actually not about personal financial stuff, but about work, which is influenced by the economy. Work has been stressful. And I have been mentally unable to do anything stressful without falling apart. So, instead of working on handling stress better (a hallmark of the past 15 years with this problem), I am instead eliminating the stress for a while. AKA: quitting work. Shocking, eh? I have huge amounts of guilt and self loathing about it. More on that later perhaps.

Summer - Lovely to "relax" away from the demands of work and school scheduling. (I know, he's in preschool, but it is part of a K-8 school and they indoctrinate early). When we get away from regular life, it's awesome. When we get back, our steaming pile of life is there waiting. There has been less of this in the past summers. So the tension seems to be following us around a bit. Me not at work both relaxes and stresses Sage more. Especially when we're . . .

Sick -- WTF? We've had a real rash of illness around here. I swear if we haven't had the swine flu yet, I'll be pissed because we've seemed to have everything else that might seem related. Colds, Sinus infections, Bronchitis, what next? And it takes us all down for at least a full week.

OK, enough cheerful updating. I am still grateful for everything I have. And I have SO much. Just need to focus on it more. But this summer has me strangely looking forward to fall.