Vicarious Rocky

You hear about kids growing up too fast nowadays. Being required to read earlier and being over scheduled and pushed into achieving things beyond their years.

So, I am proud to show you an example of a complete flip on that mentality. Here is my son in my Mother in Law's sink.


She says: "I take pictures of Indy in the sink when I can because I know those days are numbered." I'm not really sure how many days are left in this number series or what number he is on. But I do know she has a very large kitchen sink. :)

Mixed bag morning trying to get old routines running after Indy has been sick for a week. I had to wake him up this morning for school. But he was happy about it and seemed happy to get back to school, even though he said he didn't want to go.

We get there and he talks "near" Seth in a complete non-sequitor about Indiana Jones. And I know this is because he bought Seth Indiana Jones toys for his birthday party last month. Seth ignored him and Callia who was also there looked at me and said, "He's always bad like that." "Oh yeah?" I asked. "I always tell him not to be bad. I try and help him. But he's bad."

This would explain why my kid has recently described himself to me as "bad." I don't think the teachers are saying it but the kids are maybe using that word instead of the one I might choose: "weird."

But then as much as that disheartened me, I was happy to see Merit come in and run right up to Indiana and they did this little boy happy dance and then Indy said to me: "I love Merit." So all is not lost.

My new lifestyle is allowing me time to deal better with the Indy school challenges. This week, I chased down a free Akron City School language and psych Evaluation. This is a big deal as these evals are typically scheduled 6 months out at best. I got lucky because someone cancelled. And they have openings for the "special" preschool 09/10 school year if he qualifies for the program. Lord! He's SPECIAL! Jesus Fucking Christ.

Anyway. It's an integrated (meaning 1/2 "special" kids and 1/2 normal kids) program in the morning or afternoon with a 5/1 teacher ratio and an on-staff language therapist / psychologist rotating into the class. Looks like, if he is accepted, he can do Old Trail in the Morning and this in the afternoon. Did I mention it's FREE and not $40 for a 1/2 hour like what his current school has recommended?

Meanwhile, I have to give Indy words/ tools to stop the school beatings, but the real trick, I think, is the language skills. The kids are just sick of him, and I realize this. They are resorting to violence so that he goes away and leaves them to play together with the children they understand and relate too.

I was really studying his language and behavior with cousin Alex yesterday, and I realized for the first time how patient she is with him when she doesn't understand him or he just resorts to silliness instead of conversing with her. He's lucky to have her.

And the school thing is a bit sad. But being sad about it is not helpful. And he will persevere and be a more interesting human ultimately. I am comforted by the fact that most of the "mean" children will be gone next year and he can start fresh as one of the older kids and probably match the language of the younger kids (and therefore relate to them) if the kids his age don't have the patience for him.

Life feels very new to me. I think it's a slowly rolling snowball of change blending the economy, my new work life, my new motherly life, the new presidency (feels very "end of an era" to me), and a new attitude about health and values generally. It all feels very good. My old self says "Too Good" and I am reminded of a verse from the Cars soundtrack, "Thinking that your luck will never change is like thinking it won't ever stop once it starts to rain." Of course, they meant it in a positive way, but I tend to believe shit and roses are cyclical. :)

But, I seem to be bathing in roses. Even with my kid getting beat at school and the economy in the shitter, I am still managing to feel crazy blessed every day and infused with a sweet aroma of possibility. I have no idea why. And I have also been thinking bigger lately, which is very unlike me. I tend to prefer being bogged down in the details. I actually think the day to day life at SageRock was bogging me down a bit. Since 2005, it's felt less like playing business and way more like the real thing and therefore a grind. A very important grind. But a little distance and a lack of client contact has reminded me that the business used to be a lifestyle tool for me and not a Lifestyle unto itself.

After Indy kept stalling about getting out of bed this morning I asked a question I didn't want the answer too.

R: Are you excited to get back to school and see your friends today?
I: No.
R: Why not?
I: They're mean.
R:Who's mean?
I: Will and Jakob.
R: How are they mean?
I: They hit me . . . hit me . . . hit me.
R: Will it be fun to see EJ?
I: He's mean too.
R: Is Merit mean?
I: No, Merit is my friend.
R: You could play with Timmy.
I: I like Merit.

So, it ended on a better note and we got out of bed and got moving. But it still made me sad. This explains why he chews the collar of his shirt when he walks into school. I'm not sure what to do exactly, but I will figure it out. I'll move to the mountains and home school this kid if I have too. Is it too much to expect that he feel safe and confident at school? Perhaps.

I thought I was being subtle about focusing on education at home. But today when choosing a book before nap Indy said he wanted, "One not about numbers." :)

One of the nicest things about our Great Wolf Lodge stay was the Whirlpool Tub in our room. So I turned on the jets, threw in some soap, and then threw in Sage and Indy.

I signed my little misunderstood man up for language therapy. I have been watching him interact with his peers in the morning, and I'm glad I decided to do it. I think his issues are part language and part a need to socialize and understand that people have no idea what's going in your head unless you tell them.

I have been trying to help by saying, "You need to tell people stories about what you're thinking." But that doesn't exactly help because he wants to tell kids weird shit they could care less about. One day, it was telling Seth about an arcade game (Jackpot) my son loves. Then it was singing "Rap Cat" to EJ. Then it was telling a Knock Knock Joke to Olivia.

All my advice bombs with the preschool crowd. Tip #1: Look people in the eye. So now he shoves his face into theirs before talking so their eyes lock. An awkward start, for sure. Tip #2: Provide Context. That just leads to more clear rejection. Example: "Hey, I know a cool song! Check it out!" Insert singing.

That prompted EJ to say, "Stop it Indiana!" And Olivia heard out the Knock Knock joke, but didn't laugh (I think it's a funny one, stupid kids).

Sigh. I know he'll be OK. He has a whole other year in Preschool to figure this all out. But it does break my heart a little.

I have just learned that one strange thing about being older is that, when you make a resolution to change the way you plan to think and live, it doesn't just effect you. So, you ideally should have a sense of how to balance the selfishness of what you're doing with the needs of those around you. That's what the first 5 days of living out my resolutions is showing me.

The first resolution to spend more time with my son is going well, because it requires no willpower and is essentially akin to me declaring I plan to eat more candy in 2009. It is not lost on me that it seems pretty counter intuitive to want to spend more time with a kid now that he's in school, but that's what I want to do. Perhaps I am just trying to make up for lost time and opportunities from his younger days when I felt that the business needed me more. But you know, I don't give a shit about the reasoning so much. :)

This week that meant being a swim volunteer (and committing to doing that every week until the year's end) and helping coordinate the Valentine gift day and corresponding party. It meant working in my attic and not at the office, so I can see him after he gets home. There was some Flash Card Work; Some focus on the numbers "14, 15, and 16" which get consistently skipped in the count to 20; and some downright rigorous "get yourself dressed" training.

The health resolution also went well. This was the year I really noticed my aging physically - soft lumpy body, wrinkles, indigestion, a bought with serious hives, and some peaks and valleys with the Lupus. Stress is a huge contributor to all things physically wrong with a person, but Lupus is particularly linked to stress. So this week there was More Gym (4 days thus far); Less Coffee (2 cup max); More Kid; Less Office.

Then there's work generally. It's time for me to start letting go. I have been moving towards moving on for a few years now, but the timing never seemed right. A huge recession doesn't seem like brilliant timing either, but it is lending an interesting opportunity in that I am between project managing clients. Here's the thing though, I always think SageRock "needs" me because I am a control freak with a giant ego. But the client-focus of my work in 2008 didn't exactly yield amazing results - a serious blow to the delusion of my importance. My internal work at the company was more valuable, but still not stuff that cannot be equally handled by others. And so, it's time to chill out a bit and back off. Not directly touching things, asking"How high" to the client jump request, taking over meetings and delegating every five minutes, is already tough for me. But all those activities and the traits they betray are direct contributors to my emotional, lets call them, "issues," so if I really want to change my life I have to change my attitudes about my old and new circumstances.

Change. There you have it. Let's see what next week holds.

I love these vacations because Indy loves them and I love seeing him blissed out. This time we're staying probably in this cheesy room at the Great Wolf Lodge in Sandusky, OH -- home to our entire Cedar Point summer of 2008.

Here's to hoping we don't cut a foot and get a MRSA or something. :)

I am Times New Roman:

This Site says this means I am "Timeless," a "Class Act," and maybe a "Snob."
Greg reminds me I am also the default MS Word 2000 font.

Nope, it wasn't a resolution of mine to stop blogging. But my other resolutions are cutting into my free time online. Things like:

• Focus on my Health - This means more time a the gym and cooking healthful things
• Work exclusively at Home - This means Setting Up my Workspace and staying on track with tasks
• Focus on Indy's Learning - This means spending more free time doing puzzles and flash cards and play dates and crafts

So far, so good, but this is day 3. Let's revisit this in March, eh?