Vicarious Rocky

I know people older than me reading this are going to smack me when they see me next, but I have to say it. This will go down in my personal vanity chronicles as the year I got physically old.

Here are the Top 10 things I’ve noticed cropping up in 2007:

1. Forehead lines – It is rude, so rude, to have shiny, greasy head at this age and then also have age lines. WTF?
2. Thinning hair – Could be the Lupus, but I glanced at the back of my head the other day and saw a little baldy spot from a bad part. :o
3. Loose neck skin – Oh, this one REALLY pains me. My inner chicken is pecking its way out through my neck. It’s just a wee little bit stretchy under there. And if I lose 3 pounds, it’s just a little more noticeable than before. I don’t like to think that adding weight on is going to be a “younger neck” strategy in my future.
4. Intolerance to sun – Also probably Lupus, but I don’t “tan” so much as “rash.”
5. Hands – Vein-y + age spots. Not horrid, but clearly not the Country Crock hand model either.
6. Spreading ass -- I’m not talking about me getting fat here. I mean like this bizarre bone spreading that’s going on. My ass is flat as ever, but somehow . . . wider.
7. Looser skin above the knee – Saggy thigh-over-knee is coming. Not yet here, but on its way.
8. Darker face hair – I now wax my face more than I care to acknowledge.
9. Gray, gray, gray hair and lots of it.
10. Love handles – Every donut I eat collects at my waist and never leaves.

Back to back all day seminars, one in a different time zone, equals no time for blogging. Here I am now though with a wicked cold that’s going around – complete with chills and headache and tons of flowing snot. Charming.

The day has been filled with ominous good news such as our big client at SageRock brings in over 40% of our income. Yikes. Time to diversify. In other weirdly good yet off-putting news, I finally have an official diagnosis for my 10-year-long problem. Ready?

Lupus! Hooray Lupus!

I am happy enough to throw a party actually. Ever since getting a Rheumatologist 2 years ago, I’d been inching my way towards a diagnosis. The doctor has been hedging bets based on some kind of symptom vs. blood work equation only he knows about. So, he liked Rheumatoid at first when both my ankles and knees were swollen. Then after the Plaquenil got my sed rates back in order he labeled it as “Lupus-y.” Then after some crystal clear blood work last winter he said, “Well you clearly have some kind of inflammatory condition.”

But the blood work fresh in from my last visit has Lupus written all over it, evidently, even though my symptoms are vague and mild. How about that Doctor? He favors blood work for diagnosis, I guess. So he says Lupus that presents a bit like Rheumatoid. He says his peeps call it Rupus.

Cute. I’m not telling people that. I’m not telling people (you people aside) anything because I risk turning into one of those older ladies who speaks of nothing but her latest prescription’s side effects. Already three paragraphs spent.

No time to blog really lately. Off for the Quarterly St. Louis shindig. Prep for that has me working every Indy-free moment. So stay tuned for anxious airport blogs.

Our promo video is good for a laugh, if I don't say so myself.

Tonight when asked how he thought "Potty Weekend" went Sage said:
"Potty Day was Iraq and you were George Bush."

Me: "How so . . . Honey?"
S: "Well, you know, you thought we would be greeted as liberators. I was a bit less optimistic. Wasn't sure what kind of trouble we'd run into, but I figured it might be more complicated than you made it out to be."
Me: Laughing. So it seemed like I thought it'd be easy?
S: "No, but more like (the democracy myth) . . . 'Of course he wants to use the potty. We use it. Everyone wants to use it. It's awesome! And if we just introduce it, he'll learn easily and swiftly to execute operation Potty.'"

Indeed. A quagmire. One that reminds me of the days when I struggled with sleep issues. That must have been my Vietnam.

Or should I say, diapers won?

He could be terrified, defiant, or confused, but I think any kid that holds pee in for 6 1/2+ hours while squirming on the toilet, begging for underwear, and then leaking tiny amounts of pee into the underwear before asking to sit on the toilet again, and then getting off to beg for more underwear so that he can leak another drop out . . . Well, that kid needs a break. This site warns me about the risks of teaching him "Dysfunctional Voiding" and destroying his one good kidney. Awesome.

This site tells me that when they hold it, the best way to keep that from happening is to put them on the toliet and tell them to go. What a totally insightful idea! Why didn't I think of that!?!

These people want me to turn on water and make sure he's comfortable. THANKS.

People on various message boards are even more helpful. A woman with this same problem with her son was encouraged to let him know conquering challenges was part of being a man. As if that wasn't weird enough, another crazy lady told her to spank him if he wouldn't pee in the toilet. I hope to never meet either of these people's children.

Unless a miracle happens this afternoon, next time you see Indy he'll be in soggy nappies.

How’s it going? No seriously. You tell me. I have NO idea. I’ve read pretty much every piece of advice on the internet and two books. I’m done reading now.

What I do know, the good:
- My kid LOVES to sit on the potty - sat on it for at least 4 hours total today.
- He likes the concept of staying dry and being rewarded for staying dry. “I’m dry mommy!” he says with great pride.
- He likes his big boy underwear and requests a new pair after an accident.
- He LOVED Potty Day and had a really nice, low stress introduction to the potty concept.

What I do know, the weird:
- He is unable or unwilling to relax and pee in the potty. I mean, if I spent 4 hours on the Jon, something would have splashed in there eventually.
- He consistently peed in his underwear about 2-3 minutes after getting off the potty.
- I suspect he doesn’t know when he has to go and yet he must have some control or else he would be unable to avoid peeing in the pot considering all the time he spent on it.

So, I’m giving the day a C+. I’m really pleased that there were no tears or angst. I think his love of the pot and the underwear and the “dry pride” is all really great stuff. But I am bewildered by the complete lack of success of getting urine in the toilet.

Oh, and as far as poop is concerned, forget about it. He gets a pull up for naps and nighttime, and I suspect he’ll be pooping in them for, like, the next 2 years.

OK, he's smart, he's cute-ish, good sense of humor, and they have great conversations. I am trying to be supportive, but I want to go bash this guy's head in. I do NOT understand the power he is having over my beloved girlfriend. It's causing me to say really useless things to her akin to "Move on and Get over it," but I am attempting to put it in more tactful and useful ways. Unfortunately, she's been taking lots of risks lately and failing. That is not the American narrative. So my "pull yourself up from your bootstraps" love advice is really pretty shitty.

Of course, I am only getting one side. I am biased. But I am pretty sure that if she can get over this momentary physical attraction, she can find someone else who laughs at her jokes and has great intellectual conversations with her.

It seems to me that if she was a man, her history of loves would bring her confidence instead of insecurity. Even though she doesn't believe it, I am confident that her next love will come and be more amazing than this one. I can't wait to meet him.

I have a feeling I am going to catch some shit for this, but tomorrow morning I am mailing in Indy's application for the Old Trail preschool. OK, it's pretty nuts, but that place is insanely awesome. Here are a few things that pushed me over the edge:
- 9 students to 1 teacher
- Children play outside every day of the year unless it’s storming. You leave rain and snow gear there.
- Preschooler activities -- gardening, Metropark hikes, the class makes each child a special birthday present for their birthday, daily show and tell circle time, 30 minutes of child led learning at stations, 30 minutes of teacher-led learning at stations, fieldtrips, etc.
- The elementary teachers come in to teach music or art every day.
- They have swim lessons 2 days a week.
- Eighth grade volunteers serve and help preschoolers eat lunch.
- Daily Library time. It’s a fabulous library.

And somehow this all gets done in 3 ½ hours a day.


Now, as far as the whole elementary is concerned, that’s even more awesome.
- Amazing facilities like the pool, Outdoor theater, new gymnasium, and indoor theater.
- Huge emphasis on creativity and arts. Daily art class, foreign language class, and music class K-8.
- 1 Elective class each quarter in things ranging from study hall, costume design, public speaking, pot throwing, piano lab, computer lab, etc.
- 2-day-a-week swim lessons K-8
- Free busing.
- Outdoor recesses EVERY day.
- 10:00 snack time for all kids.
- Smart Dress Code – No uniforms, but Solid colors, collared shirts, and no logos
- All children, all levels of learning are in 1 classroom of no more than 19 kids for each grade w/ a maximum grade size of 57 kids.
- Saw this slow and fast kids together thing in action on the tour twice – once w/ a slow boy in math and in another class w/ slow girl in reading. The process was Really smooth in both cases.
- Kids were enthusiastically interacting with each other and the teacher in almost every classroom we saw.
- I heard laughing in the MATH room. They were learning math w/ geography. Lat and Long, etc.
- Kids faced each other in Quad seating. Boys and girls mixed.
- Elective In-school sport programs and in-school sport practice.
- Mandatory service project each quarter. Examples include Metro Park Cleanup, Kindergarten Buddy program (for 3rd graders), Lunch helpers, etc.
- Science classes conducted in Metro Parks and in their brand new labs. Watched the 4-5th grade class for 10 minutes. Wonderful teacher, kids were having a blast!

I could go on, but who the hell would read it?

That's what all the protest signs said out front at the air show.
Boy, were they wrong!

Why is it that planes flying low to the ground are so awesome? Some were enormous and loud, some were fast and REALLY loud, and a few were cute and agile, but they all made me say something stupid to the person next to me:

"Wow, there is goes!"
"Damn, that's huge!"
"No wonder they crash a lot!"

Indy had some serious reservations about any plane beginning with "F-" since the pilots knew they were most impressive when breaking the sound barrier. We saw that actually! It's this vapor-like explosion. Amazing. And it caused me to say:

"Damn, did you SEE that?"

Shortly after we saw sound vapor, Indy said, "I'm done now." Followed by, "I want to go to the car." So that's exactly what we did. We watched the airshow from our car. We were parked right next to the runway and a lot of people were tailgating, so we were feeling pretty smug in our air conditioned, shaded, semi-sound proof shelter next to the show. Indy was able to relax and really watch the Thunderbirds without having to have one ear nestled next to someones leg. Yeah, I tried to get him to wear the earplugs. He wouldn't leave them in.

Two years ago, I thought I'd never go to an airshow. And this morning I figured I'd never go to one again. Now, I'm jazzed about becoming one of those tailgating families next year with a cooler in my trunk.

Deuce's were wild, each bet was a nickel, and I played from 3:30-9:00 with an hour break for dinner. Drinks could have been free, but considering my hangover today, that $1 price tag was probably for the best.

All in all, "Wheeling Island" was fun in an Appalachian Nevada sort of way. Dog racing is unfortunate in this day and age, but dog abuse aside, Greg won $13 on the dog that took a shit right before the race.